he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize