I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize