She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
