Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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