if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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