I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
