Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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