So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize