Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
