what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
