Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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