what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
