Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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