i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
