I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
