I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
