dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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