I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
