real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
