This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
