is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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