I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
