omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize