just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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