God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
