He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
