Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
