having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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