she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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