I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
