so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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