Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
