Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
