Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
