You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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