not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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