Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
