I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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