they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
