Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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