I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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