I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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