Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize