Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
