I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
