The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
