Your face is a jimmy john
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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