I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
