I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
