I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
