I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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