oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was confusing and full of hummus
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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