Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
