This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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