Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize