I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
