small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
