It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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