I just cut my nipple shaving
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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