So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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