would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
