Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
