Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
