Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
