Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
