No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
