So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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