I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
foreskin is a definite game changer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
