that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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