First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize