Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
