so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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