how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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